Counting the Cost: A Memoir. Jill Duggar, Derick Dillard, Craig Borlase. 2023. [September] 287 pages. [Source: Library] [biography, memoir, nonfiction]
First sentence (from the prologue): Technically, there was no problem with Derick and I being outside together that way. We weren't on a date or anything, so we didn't need a formal chaperone. Plus, there were easily a half dozen little Duggars running around out there with us, playing in the snow. We were safe. We were following all the courtship rules that my parents had encouraged us to write down--no holding hands, no in-person, one-on-one conversations without another adult or mature chaperone present, no putting ourselves in a position where we could fall into temptation. All the same, I knew that people would be watching us. It was to be expected.
First sentence (from chapter one): Click. My parents didn't believe in magic. They didn't believe in dancing, either. But they understood the power of music. And like all magicians, they knew exactly when to wield it. Just the sound of Mom loading a cassette into the tape player was enough to call us all to order.
Jill Duggar Dillard has written a memoir. (Squeal!) She writes truthfully, respectfully about her upbringing. She praises where praise is due. She's grateful for any and all benefits and blessings. She criticizes where criticism is due. Or if not out and out criticism, she calls for questioning.
Unfortunately, she grew up in a household that was 110% committed to the Institute in Basic Life Principles. And merely questioning or doubting is enough to be viewed as a degenerate rebel. Jill didn't spend much time questioning anything--blindly, willingly, openly following her parents--particularly her father. But as an adult, a married woman, a woman with children of her own, she did begin to question. Not without nerves, anxiety, hesitation. Jill was clueless about confrontation and boundaries. But slowly and surely, with the full and total support of her husband, she did begin to have those difficult conversations. She began to ask honest questions.
If Jill is to be taken at face value, then she did so in a way that was not inherently hateful or mean-spirited. Perception is tricky. Certainly her father took even the slightest hesitation to 'yes, sir' as out-and-out rebellion and a great sin. That is one problem with the IBLP. Calling things sin that the Bible doesn't necessarily call sin. Adding to Scripture. Misinterpreting Scripture.
Unlike her sister's book--also published this year, I believe--this one doesn't so much go through her journey of disentangling her faith. It is a more traditional memoir. This is an actual biography that chronicles her life. She has questions, thousands of questions. Like WHY did her father not protect her and her sisters? WHY is Joshua--a convicted criminal--seen as a such a wonderful son, an angel, and she is seen as dangerous, rebellious, sinful? Why didn't she--as a person--matter more than the television show? I won't list every single question Jill poses.
This is not a book written primarily for gossiping or shock value. I was amazed by Jill's respectful restraint. The way she's been treated, you might think she'd be justified in expressing out and out outrage. If she wanted to rant, rave, rage against those that have hurt her, who could blame her??? But, she is grateful, kind, and HONEST. She cannot be a doormat. But she doesn't have to add fuel to the fire. She goes above and beyond to see the good, to praise the good, to be thankful for the good. She does not come across--at all--as vindictive or a drama queen. She doesn't come across as toxic. Wanting healthy boundaries is not toxic. Wanting to be respected as an adult is not toxic.
Did I find out new things? YES. Was everything 'shocking' or 'appalling'? No, not really. Again, I don't think the book--despite some people wanting ALL the tea, every ounce of tea, every single little detail (not a one to which they are entitled to)--was written to be scandalous or gossipy.
One thing the book does bring to light is that the Megyn Kelly interview was conducted with JOSHUA in the room. Which puts yet another spin on it. It would have been 'tainted' enough perhaps by the presence of her parents. (No doubt, the parents were pressuring them to stick to a certain story, to play their roles in the PR campaign).
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